Hello, welcome to my personal musings and recounting of experience. I don't really mind if you read any of this stuff, but its probably just going to be ultra-weird and boring, so I suggest you just move on to the other pages on this site. Oh well, I didn't make this to impress anyone... why should it matter. 
Friendships have always been confusing for me. Most of the time I watch them happen from a distance and think "wow, it must be like the best thing ever. If I had a friendship, it would surely fill the perpetual hole of loneliness within me." I yearned for friends all my life, as I thought that it would grant me meaning, motivation, and happiness from the feelings of companionship. I would go through lengths to be able to replicate that on my own. And yet.... when I do end up making friends, it just feels the same way. The lonelieness still looms over me, like a cold shudder running along my back and a fuzzy feeling in my throat. Strangely enough, I even feel the urge to avoid them and return to my old ways. What is wrong with me?
I feel as if i have everything I've ever wanted now. However, despite that, everything is numbingly the same as before. I still feel an empty feeling in my chest, and I don't think it will go away. When people work hard towards happiness, it's not like they will ever permanently achieve it. How laughable. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahaha
Lately I have been replaying all of the professor layton games. I have always wanted to play it, since 4th grade but was never able to. These days, I feel as if I'm fulfilling a past wish of sort. I think my earlier self would be proud. ever since I watched the movie in fourth grade, descole has been my favorite layton character. I would imagine myself having a cool cloak like him and building giant robots... i also wanted a voice like him also. its silly , but still a pretty understandable fantasy, right?!
Auuuoohhhh my brain frels like its unraveling... im on prozac now and it gets me all twitchy. Anyhoo, earlier today i was studying the behavior of a beetle and there was this blondish brown haired boy who walked up to me and asked "what the hell are you doing? stop torturing that bug." I was in a strange sort of daze at the time and had realized i was tormenting the beetle, its body flipped on its back and at the mercy of my mechanical pen. The fellow seemed like he was younger than me, but still trying to give me orders.some people just cant mind their own business. I did end up killing it, however, because I had already ruined all its limbs which made it incapable of living on its own. I needed to finish what i started and put it out of its misery
